This has been going around the email circuit for a couple of months now, and I can resist no longer:

You may be a Taliban if…

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You’ve ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you’ve done with your cave."
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
12. You’ve ever had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

And one more, which I got from commenter Pistolero over at Ace of Spades HQ:

1. You may be a Taliban if don’t think the saying ‘punishing the one eyed cleric’ is a euphemism for male masturbation.

Now that’s funny, I don’t care who y’are.

I can’t find the original to give credit to the author, but here’s something useful I received via email (click for full-sized image):

The best You Tube mashup I’ve ever seen takes place when Star Trek is put to Jefferson Airplane’s White Rabbit:

"I’d rather be waterboarding", from ThoseShirts.com.

Now that’s funny, I don’t care who y’are.

A cross between Shakespeare in Love and the Making of Star Wars.

Yes, this has been kicking around the internet since it appeared on Fox’s 1/2 Hour News Hour last May. But it’s good enough that I wanted a copy for myself:

OxyClinton Video (3.8 MB wav file)

I happen to work with a guy that used to fly fighters off an aircraft carrier, so when I got this joke in the mail I just had to send it to him:

A C-130 was flying on a mission when a cocky F-16 pilot flew up next to him.

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, “watch this!” and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.

The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.

The C-130 pilot said, “That was impressive, but watch this!”

The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes, and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said “What did you think of that?”

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, “What the heck did you do?”

The C-130 pilot chuckled, “I stood up, stretched my legs, went to the back, took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a sweet roll.

Now that’s funny. You can see why I sent it to my fighter pilot friend. But his response was even better:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Then the F-16 pilot, who had a much shorter mission, smoked back to base, debriefed, went to a bar, and got lots of attention from some hot babes who dig fighter pilots.

Chuck Norris wrote up a few tongue-in-cheek yet liberal-enraging promises that he would make if he were to run for president. My favorite:

Ask Al Gore to provide me with a special governmental study on the connection between spotted owl extinction and global warming. (I’m pretty sure Michael Moore will film the docudrama).

I didn’t know Chuck was such a funny guy.

. . . because of a little streak of jealousy. Kim humor at its best.