Obituary of the Week

Michael "Flathead" Blanchard
1944 ~ 2012

A Celebration of the life of Michael "Flathead" Blanchard will be held on April 14th, 3 pm 8160 Rosemary St, Commerce City. Weary of reading obituaries noting someone’s courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors’ orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died.

Mike was born July 1944 in Colorado to Clyde and Ethel Blanchard. A community activist, he is noted for saving the Dr. Justina Ford house from demolition and defending those who could not defend themselves. He was a Republican delegate, life member of the NRA, founder and President of the Dead Cats MC. He loved music.

There’s more. Read the whole thing:

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/denverpost/obituary.aspx?n=michael-blanchard-flathead&pid=156944598

Posted April 15th, 2012 Filed in Humor

President’s Day

Received via email:

I was eating lunch with a 6-year-old and I asked her, “What is the 20th of February?”

She said “President’s Day!”

She is a smart kid, so, I asked her, “What does President’s Day mean?”

I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln etc.

She replied, “President’s Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment.”

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.

It would be funny if it weren’t based on millions of people struggling to survive.

Too Much for a Bumper Sticker

Posted August 19th, 2011 Filed in Humor, Obama, Barack Hussein

Car Accident

Via email:

The Donkey

Barrack Obama was touring the countryside in his chauffeur-driven limo.
Suddenly, a donkey jumps out onto the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Obama says to the chauffeur: ‘You get out and check, you were driving.’
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
‘You were driving; go and tell the farmer,’ says Obama.

Hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.
‘My god, what happened to you?’ asks Obama.

The chauffeur replies: ‘When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of whiskey, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me.’
‘What on earth did you say to them?’ asks Obama.

‘I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them, ‘I’m Barrack Obama’s chauffeur and I’ve just killed the jackass.

Now that’s funny, I don’t care who y’are. Unless, of course, you happen to be one of the jackasses in the story.

Posted August 19th, 2011 Filed in Humor, Obama, Barack Hussein

Doorbell, from PowerLine

Posted August 7th, 2011 Filed in Economics and the Economy, Humor

Saint Pelosi

Last Saturday afternoon in Washington , D.C. , an aide to Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in D.C.

He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day’s Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don’t really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi’s views."

Pelosi’s aide then said, "Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon."

As Pelosi’s aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Speaker Pelosi was present.

The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Speaker Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip- flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in California. The woman is simply not to be trusted.

"But, when compared with President Obama, House Speaker Pelosi is a saint."

The above was received via email.

Posted August 6th, 2011 Filed in Humor, Pelosi, Nancy

Ronald Reagan Humor

Timeless Humor

Posted June 18th, 2011 Filed in Humor

Fairy Visit (Humor)

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.

“I want to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that!”

Fine,” I said, “then I want to die when Congress gets their heads out of their asses!”

“You crafty old bastard,” said the fairy.

Posted April 26th, 2011 Filed in Humor

GW is Sitting in a Bar …

Ex-President Bush decides to leave the “ranch” and go out to sit in a local Crawford bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman “Isn’t that GW sitting at the end of the bar?”

The bartender says, ‘Yep, that’s him.’

So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor! What are you doing in here?”

Bush says, “I’m planning WW III.”

The guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?”

Bush says, “Well, I’m going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.”

The guy exclaims, “A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?”

Bush turns to the bartender and says, “See, I told you, no one gives a shit about the 140 million Muslims.”

Posted April 1st, 2011 Filed in Humor

Responsible Texan

Received via email:

I saw a fundamentalist Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River this morning; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying. Along with him was an illegal Hispanic drug cartel member who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back. If they didn’t get help, they’d surely drown.

Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff ‘s Office and Homeland Security.

It is now 4pm, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded.

I’m starting to think I wasted two stamps.

Posted March 3rd, 2011 Filed in Humor