And now for a little humor at HC’s expense.
We didn’t have social media when Howard Dean screamed his way out of a race. But lucky for us, we do now!
This Vine is my favorite so far, but for more search tag #HillaryBarks. More are being uploaded all the time!
Things I Trust More than Hillary Clinton…
- Mexican tap water
- A rattlesnake with a “pet me” sign
- OJ Simpson showing me his knife collection
- An elevator ride with Ray Rice
- Taking pills offered by Bill Cosby
- Michael Jackson’s Doctor
- A Palestinian in Isreal with a backpack on a motorcycle
- Gas station Sushi
- A Jimmy Carter economic plan
- Brian Williams news reports
- Loch Ness monster sightings
- Playing Russian Roulette with a semi-auto pistol
- Emails from Nigerian princes
- The Heimlich Maneuver from Barney Frank
- A prostate exam from Captain Hook
- Prayers for peace from Al Sharpton
- Rosie O showing restraint at an all-you-can-eat buffet
- Prostitutes in Thailand
- Joe Biden with his arm around me.
- The government when it says a tax will be temporary
- North Korean media
- John Kerry’s war record.
- Obama’s Birth Certificate
- Kool Aid at a Jim Jones party
- Paris Hilton proofreading a college thesis
- Nancy Pelosi’s grip on reality
See an expanded list of 109 things I trust more than Hillary Clinton at ThingsITrustMoreThanHillary.com.
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George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.
The devil smiles and replies, “Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”
They always ask at the doctor’s reception why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what’s wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There’s nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, ‘Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?’
‘There’s something wrong with my dick’, he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, ‘You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ‘
‘Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,’ he said.
The Receptionist replied; ‘Now you’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.’
The man replied, ‘You shouldn’t ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, ‘Yes??’
‘There’s something wrong with my ear,’ he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. ‘And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?’
‘I can’t piss out of it,’ he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
Mess with seniors and you’re going to lose!
Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio go for a walk together. They come to a sign saying “Beauty Contest Inside” and Snow White says she wants to enter it. She does and returns thirty minutes later with a big smile saying, “I won”.
A little while later they come upon a sign saying “strong man contest inside”. Superman says he wants to enter it and comes back a few minutes later with a smile saying, “I won it”!
Shortly they come upon a sign saying “lying contest inside”. Pinocchio says he wants to enter it and five minutes later returns with tears in his eyes saying, “Anybody know who Barack Obama is?”
A lesson in irony.
The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is actually proud of the fact it is distributing the greatest amount of free meals and food stamps ever.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us to “Please Do Not Feed the Animals.” Their stated reason for the policy is because the animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.
This ends today’s lesson.
Michael "Flathead" Blanchard
1944 ~ 2012
A Celebration of the life of Michael "Flathead" Blanchard will be held on April 14th, 3 pm 8160 Rosemary St, Commerce City. Weary of reading obituaries noting someone’s courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors’ orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died.
Mike was born July 1944 in Colorado to Clyde and Ethel Blanchard. A community activist, he is noted for saving the Dr. Justina Ford house from demolition and defending those who could not defend themselves. He was a Republican delegate, life member of the NRA, founder and President of the Dead Cats MC. He loved music.
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